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Legally Sane Blogging



What to do with a Kangaroo Filled with Creamed Corn

August 15, 2008 | By: William McCamment

Have you ever had to run for your life while being chased by a radioactive ape? Well, if you have, then you know exactly how out-of-breath you’re likely to be from laughing after you visit the BRAND NEW HumorBloggers.com

Today is the grand opening!

The site is dedicated to the top 50 funniest blogs on the net and, yes, Dead Rooster is one of them. Ha ha! Take THAT Bill O’Reilly!

I was extremely honored when Chelle B asked if she could add Dead Rooster to the list. In addition to maintaining HumorBloggers.com, Chelle also authors The Offended Blogger, which is consistently the highest ranked humor blog at BlogCatalog; she’s been up there for so long that I’ve given up trying to catch her. At any rate, she knows her humor and I know that HumorBloggers.com is going to be a great success.

Now get on over there and check it out! CLICK HERE to go there right now!

WHOA! I almost forgot about the kangaroo! How about we turn it into a contest? The best comment I get explaining what one should do with a kangaroo filled with creamed corn wins 500 entrecard points. How’s that?

You can also Jump-the-Shark by voting for Dead Rooster at a similar-sounding, but different site: Humor-Blogs.com



I’m Not Dead, Just a Little Shaken

August 12, 2008 | By: William McCamment


Photo credit: mnd.ctrl

The original title of this post was going to be, “I’m not dead, just a little twisted,” but I was afraid you would get the wrong idea thinking the word “twisted” meant “diabolically crazy” when, in fact, my meaning was more along the lines of, “Hey, everyone, look at me! My spine is ‘twisted’ and it’s forcing me to walk around like a toddler.”

My spine is not normally twisted, but if you check the date of my previous post, July, 29th you will notice it is precisely the same date as the popular earthquake we had here in southern California. What’s interesting about that is, just before I published that post, I was leaning back in my chair proofreading, feet up on the desk with my beautiful calico cat, Cookie, on my lap purring and drooling.

Then it hit.

In a straight line, the epicenter of the earthquake was only about 38 miles away from the Dead Rooster Mansion, or, in terms of driving time, if you took our sophisticated southern California freeway system, it would take approximately 9 days.

It started with the sensation of falling through a trapdoor, which caused me to flail my arms and legs which prompted Cookie to sink her claws into my leg thus causing me to lurch forward and in the process yank my spine out of joint. After that there was just a lot of shaking; hanging-lamps swinging; paintings rattling against the wall, etc.

I’ve messed my back up before, and what usually happens is, at first, it seems like a funny little kink, then after an hour or so, you slowly start to hunch over like Quasimodo.

This time the “hunching” began for me after I drove down to Subway to get a foot-long turkey sandwich. When I got there and stood at the back of the line, I was a tall 6’2” viable human being, but by the time I reached the checkout, I was a 4’9” crippled circus freak.

I grabbed my food and hobbled across the parking lot chimpanzee style. I received cheers from the crowd as I managed to make it to my car without spilling my drink or physically dragging the foot-long sandwich on the ground behind me.

I drove home and sat on the couch in a position resembling that of a stunt man with a box of lit dynamite under his chair waiting for the explosion. I’ve been sitting there like that for the past two weeks unable to move. I couldn’t even THINK of typing anything.

But, now, I’m starting to feel better. I’ve still got what I call a “monkey knot” in my back, but I am able to type, and that’s good enough for now. I feel a little rusty, but I’m just going to start typing and hope something falls out.

Looking back at the title of this post has revealed yet another problem: I actually am dead…as in, dead rooster. Arg! Well, I’m not changing it again.

I dare you to vote for this at Humor-Blogs.com

How to get in the Mood to Write

July 29, 2008 | By: William McCamment


Photo credit: guy.p

I have discovered the secret to getting yourself in the mood to write, and, surprisingly, it has absolutely nothing to do with magic mushrooms.

I want to make the distinction right away that what we’re discussing here is not writer’s block; we’re discussing how to get motivated to write. If you are already raring to go, but find yourself unable to put words down, I suggest you read my previous post: Captain Trips and the Permanent Cure for Writer’s Block.

OK, let’s get started.

Some of my regular readers may have noticed that I haven’t stuck to my regular schedule of posting at least once per week. For some reason, I just couldn’t get in the mood to write. I’m not exactly sure what my problem was, but my lack of motivation got so bad that I panicked and ordered a book from Amazon called, Write Is a Verb: Sit Down, Start Writing, No Excuses.

The book is written by a fellow named, Bill O’Hanlon, a psychotherapist turned writing coach that, in the book, not only examines the reasons writers put off writing, but also, as indicated on the back cover, helps you to discover “what uniquely motivates you to write.”

The book is filled with information that would help a lot of unmotivated writers, but seriously, as long as your problem is a lack of motivation and not writer’s block, I believe I’ve found the real secret, and you won’t have to buy the book to learn it.

The last time I had a serious bout with “lack of interest in writing” I applied the secret and didn’t even know it. I had signed on to participate in last May’s Bloggers Unite for Human Rights, a joint effort by Bloggers Unite and Amnesty International which encouraged the entire blogosphere to take a day, May 15th, and write a post involving human rights. When I had made the commitment a month-and-a-half earlier, I was full-on motivated to participate in such a worthy cause.

Flash-forward to May 14th, 8:30 pm on the night before the big day: I hadn’t even started writing. In fact, I didn’t even know what I was going to write about. Besides, I’m a humor blogger, how am I supposed to write about the atrocities of human rights violations and make it funny? I considered giving up on it all together.

But, when I commit to do something, I do my best to keep my word. So, I sat down and forced myself to write. By 10:00 pm I was finished and posted the human rights article to my blog. In my opinion it was not my best work–I would’ve liked to have spent more time on it–but at least I fulfilled my commitment and felt good that I contributed to the project.

It turns out that if I had given up on that particular post it would’ve been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. The next morning, I turned on CNN and saw Dead Rooster and my hastily written blog post featured in their story about the Bloggers Unite project. I got some of the best exposure you can get from a post that I almost didn’t write because I couldn’t get in the writing mood.

So, how did I finally get motivated?

The secret, in my opinion, can be summed up in the short quote by Joyce Carol Oats on page 37 of Write is a Verb:

“One must be pitiless about this matter of ‘mood.’ In a sense, the writing will create the mood. …I have forced myself to begin writing when I’ve been utterly exhausted, when I’ve felt my soul as thin as a playing card, when nothing seemed worth enduring for another five minutes…and somehow the activity of writing changes everything.”

Writing creates the mood.

The next time you don’t feel motivated to write, sit down and begin writing anyway. Get your fingers moving and watch what happens. It is almost magical the way it works. In my Bloggers Unite example above, it was the deadline that forced me to start typing; but, it’s not a deadline that gets you in the mood, it’s the activity of writing.

No one ever said it better than Ray Bradbury, “Go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. Build your wings on the way down.”

OK, so this may not be the funniest post I’ve ever written, but you can still help my standings at Humor-Blogs.com by clicking here and voting for it. :)